...Still with the friends...

   So a few years ago I posted about making friends as an adult Here.  I re-read it after reading this piece from the Boston Globe about loneliness at the age of 40.  I posted the previous post three years ago.  I was a dad, married, nearly 34 and had only one child who was almost 2.  We were getting into routines in terms of daycare, and work and what not.  That year we decided to expand our family and the following year we added a second child and a little chaos.  I wouldn't give up my family for anything. I love my family, like my job and have a fairly good routine, but life is OKAY. Which stinks.  I sometimes wonder in envy of those that have an office to go to, or a school to go to where they see coworkers on a daily basis.  I had it at one point but gave it up for the glamorous work at home situation *noted sarcasm.* While it was great at the start, traveling around the area, always something new, meeting new people, conquering my fear of public speaking, etc; I miss the enjoyment of seeing some people everyday, catching up, venting, going out for drinks after work, playing on the softball team, things like that.  While I have made "friends" with my coworkers, it's hard to get together with them when we live so far from each other. With work and family taking up about 90% of my time I get very little time to find friends and I pose the question again.  How does an adult make friends?  We aren't part of a church, I'm not going to make friends at a bar, and my current friends (WHICH I LOVE) also have family and busy jobs so making time is one of those impossible things.  I do have a fairly regular wednesday night trivia night with friends which is fun, although our regular trivia spot closed...I MEAN COME ON. So we will have to find a new trivia spot, but once a week doesn't seem like enough time.
    Sometimes I wonder if it was the move that did it to me.  We left Maine for a few reasons but a big one was I kept seeing the same people over and over again. I would run into the same people at work that I went to high school with.  I knew I needed to get out, I was the country kid who needed to see the city.  I wanted to start over, start a new city life.  I realized NYC wasn't for me.  It was too much.  Too stimulating.  Then we moved to CT, the burbs, I mean I am sitting in Whole Foods, working and writing this blog and contemplating when I am going to be moving back to Maine where I will see the same people I work with and I went to High school with, but I will have routine. I will know people, I can get involved and immediately KNOW people.  I think that is what I need.  Well maybe soon...

I had a few drinks...

So I had 5 weeks of not drinking and then went on vacation.  I was going back and forth whether or not I was going to have drinks while on vacation in Provincetown.  I decided to have some drinks and see where I went.  See if I struggled, if I could stop myself, if I could in fact "reserve" having a drink for a special occasion and not go crazy when I did have some drinks.  See if I stayed under control and finally see how I felt during and after I was drinking.  We were on vacation for just four days.  I had drinks each night and felt fine.  I kept myself relatively under control (no excessive drinking) and I stuck with vodka and soda, one punch, some spiked seltzer and no beer (which I love).  I didn't feel great.  It was a self-serving experiment. Do I want to drink while I am away from my kids only?  Do I want to reserve drinking for holidays? Family events? parties?  I've done this before and then it just turned into I'll have drinks Wednesdays and Fridays and Saturdays...and Sundays. Sometimes a Monday here and there. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it.  Can I do it this time? I told myself the next time I would have a drink would be Christmas or Thanksgiving.  We will see.

We had a party at our house with the usual crowd of family and friends.  It is fun and I enjoy being around these people. The usual order of events is this we provide food and some sort of drink (I'll make a big Alcoholic Punch) and everyone will bring some other food and their drinks.  The party is usually around 4 or 5 and by 6 or 7 people are "happy."  This time I made pink lemonade.  We had vodka to add if you wanted to and folks brought their own booze. I am ready to make that part of our party, BYOB.  I am ready to not be responsible for other peoples drinking.  If they want to drink something other then water, seltzer, or juice, they can do that. I have friends who insist on having their friends favorite alcohol available. They think a good host always has their friends favorite alcohol available. Well I'm ready to not do that anymore. If you want something special you can bring it to a party.  My house is not your personal bar. If I offer you something you can say yes or no. As a guest of someone you can bring a bottle of wine, a six pack of beer, a bottle of vodka. Maybe you don't agree with me. That is fine, but just know when you come to my house I will now offer you seltzer, juice, water, milk, and whatever we happen to have in our cabinet.  I won't be going out of my way to get liquor.