Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Welcome to 2014 and sobriety for now.

In the new year I would like to post a little more its hard with work and toddler and cooking and stuff.  Writing is soothing and I just need to do it.  I do it more for me then for the readers since according to stats I have only a few. Anyway off too it now.
So after thanksgiving I got an idea from a friend.  He decided that his drinking had finally caught up with him and I am sure for other reasons, he decided to give up drinking.  Since this is a friend I love very much and have known him for a long time I decided to take a look at my own drinking and take stock of when and why I drank.  I didn't and don't consider myself an alcoholic, but am I?  My father was an alcoholic and they say Alcoholism can be genetic. I asked myself a few questions and some of them I had to grapple.  One big one, could I cut myself off before it was too late?  I answered it honestly and said sometimes no.  There would be times when I would buy the box of my favorite wine because it was "cheaper" then buying two bottles.  The thing is that that box was equivalent to FOUR bottles of the same size.  I wasn't doing myself a favor.  I had also got into bourbon and whiskey.  While not a bad thing I think it was.  I have on occasion gotten frustrated with people and have been told to calm down and lower my voice I have gotten out of control.  I never hit anyone, got into fights, was arrested or drank at inappropriate times.  This is honestly the first time I have written anything down about my drinking.  It has only been about a month since I made a conscious decision to stop drinking without a starting back up again point.  I have stopped for a month or so at a time with the idea of having a drink at the end of the month or something like that.  This time was different.  I think because the two times I drank heavily before I stopped were bad, very bad.  I believe I blacked out one time and woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck or train and then the truck backed up back over me again.  The next time I was out of commission most of the next day.  It sucked. SO I decided to stop without an end in mind.  I said, MAYBE I will have a drink on Christmas Eve or Christmas day, and I didn't.  I said MAYBE I will have a drink on New Years Eve and I didn't.  I then had a planned work trip this week where a lot of my work colleagues will go to a local bar for drinks and said I think I will have a few drinks while out there.  Needless to say the trip was canceled for crazy weather related reasons.  I am not having a drink this week.  I have a vacation planned for February and said I will have a few drinks while on Vacation.  I am still not sure. My birthday? I don't know.  I am liking not spending 40-50 dollars on wine and liquor only to not drink it in one night.  So for now I am sober.  How long will it continue I am not sure.  I am taking it one day at a time.