So I don't believe I have ever really shared the story but I have been thinking about this more and more with all the news of death. When it happened 15 years ago there was never a headline, never a news story, never really an investigation. It happened and we grieved and went on with our lives. Since social media has started to blow up and news travels basically the moment it happens there have been so many reports of car accidents, homicides, and suicides. 15 years ago there weren't. You may get a story of a car accident here and there but they did not dominate headlines. Well this is my news story. I have told it a few times in front of a few groups, but it also tied in to our ideas of death and what happens after. Well I am not going to talk about that. I am going to talk about a great man who left us, who I wish I knew better and of course who I wish was with us today. Honestly I don't know what he would think of this world we live in.
15 years ago I was sitting at home and the community was recovering from the ice storm of 98. This is what was dominating the headlines. People were without power for days and weeks and local towns were devastated and could not leave their houses because of downed trees and power lines. I remember January 12, 1998 was actually one of those magical days where the sun was shining and reflecting off the snow and ice. The roads were starting to clear up enough where you could actually drive on them. My dad had taken off to work that morning and I was still in my PJs (since I was 17 and it was a Saturday.) Then a funny thing happened my uncle came over with what appeared to be a police officer of some sort. I got my mom and she came in the room and I left and started to hear them chat. Suddenly the loudest wail I have ever heard came out of my mom and there is was. My uncle had come to give us the unfortunate news that my father had been found in his truck in his favorite location over looking Lake Auburn. Apparently he had taken his own life and some one found him slumped over and called the police. A gunshot to the head. Too me it is still a mystery, no note was found, no signs were given to us as a family, it just happened. Time stopped for a few little while, but what turned out to be days. The next few weeks were a blur to me and I am sure my sisters and brother (who had just been stationed in Germany, but came home.) We had to get everything set up for the funeral, we had to make sure he had clothes that he liked, but at the same time we had to grieve, which I wasn't ready to do. I was only 17. How was this happening to me? Dad was suppose to be there to help me move into college like he did everyone else. Dad was suppose to take me skiing on my 18th birthday like he had every other year. He was suppose to be there to see me graduate high school, and to see my sisters graduate college, but no he was gone.
It took me a while to grapple with the thoughts of him never being there again physically. I would say years to deal with it. I am sure it's normal. I am sure people still are grappling with certain peoples death these are loved ones. Yes my father had his flaws, he was a 5 time recovering alcoholic, he had serious depression issues and he also smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, but he had nothing but love in his heart for his family. In fact family came first always. When he would start a new job he would think of family first. He tried his hardest to attend concerts and football games but I realized mental problems got in the way. I came to terms with it.
As I get older I realize he is always with me. He is there watching over me, helping me along the way, giving me strength when I need it and giving me hope for the future. He is my constant reminder to let people be themselves and teach but also let them stumble a little so they can see their faults because you can't learn to walk and run without falling a couple times. He taught me how to paint a room, how to build a table and also how to tie a fly. He taught me to respect a gun and how to shoot a gun. He taught me that guns are for hunting and not for killing others. He taught me to respect nature and give myself time in nature to bring some inner peace to myself. He was a great man and forever will live on in my heart and my memories. I may have only known him for almost 18 years, but we made the most out of those years.
I Love you dad.
As I watch all the news coverage of death in the world I wonder, why was this never even mentioned in the paper? It happened in a very public place on a VERY busy four lane road. Was the world to busy worrying about getting power back and making sure things were getting back to normal? Why do we televise these horrible accidents anyway? I try not to watch the news anymore almost for that reason, there never seems to be HAPPY news, it is all about tragedy, death, destruction, or someone being horrible to someone else because they think that other person is wrong and lives a wrong lifestyle. Maybe if we spread a little more sunshine in this world we would be a happier world. Maybe it is time to start looking at the bright side of life. Can we please start celebrating life instead of mourning death? Also could the religious zealots start thinking about the positives in there bible and the religious works?
When I went to church I was always taught, I still believe the teachings, but not the religious piece, to love your neighbor and that we were all created equal to love and care for each other not to hate each other because of how we live our lives. I was raised in a loving caring environment and was not taught to hate I was taught to love, if someone doesn't like you find out why. What did you do to them to make them not like you. NEVER HATE. These are lessons I want to pass onto my children. These are things I want to teach. Everyone is different and special and made in their own special ways, but everyone deserves equal treatment.
